Assignment From the Oracle



Make a living will. Don't leave it to your closest and dearest to clean up the biggest mess you could ever make.


Make arrangements for your pets in case of emergency, and write them down. Check to make sure their potential caretaker shares your devotion to keeping them out of the pound under any circumstances--and the means.


Try to go through one day without saying anything that qualifies as "filler". Afterwards, ask yourself how much "fillerspeak" you use, and ask yourself how you feel about what that says about you.


Destroy your emotional garbage. Collect it, examine it, and get rid of it-- WITHOUT PUTTING YOUR TRASH ON SOMEONE ELSE'S LAWN


Master solitude. After all, it's not a guarantee that you'll die first.


Accept the possibility of the presence of that which you can't see. Separate that concept from religion, and truly accept the possibility that your reality isn't necessarily everyone else's--and that the reverse is true. The person in the car next to you may have a complete different reality, which almost certainly will affect his or her actions.


In one day, be YOUR OWN Yoda, be SOMEONE ELSE's Yoda, and LET SOMEONE ELSE be your Yoda for a second. Let your role be flexible in the world.


Ponder how you'd feel if someone threw their litter on the floor in front of your church's altar. Then, do a little research to see how many spiritual paths consider the earth as their altar. Then, put a garbage bag in your car. Carry your trash with you to a garbage can.


Perfect your handshake. A limp, affected handshake makes more people queasy than you can imagine. An overly aggressive bone-crusher leads people to make compensation jokes behind your back.


Don't ever copy someone else. If you imitate, in art or life, put your own stamp on it and give credit where credit is due. As a Basho said, "Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of others; seek what they sought."


Censor your own self. That's one of the perks of being an adult -- and one of the most profound responsibilities. "I'm sorry" is merely more talk; it doesn't ever erase anything.


Make faces at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you would most certainly want to date yourself. If you wouldn't, don't expect anyone else to.


Don't drink more than you can think, unless you really consider those around you to be as smart as you are, and as good at making decisions as you are.


Take a gun safety course. Just in case you need to know how to at least put the safety on one.


Get a drivers' licence, you! Even if you don't need to in your current life, an emergency could come where someone needs to drive, and you're the only one standing. If you can't drive a stick-shift, learn. Wouldn't you hate to be the only possible driver in an emergency, and have to say in a whimper, "I can't, um, drive a, um, stickshift?"

--
Sister Marie the Pigtailed Pirate

Note from The Oracle
To that in the White House

Yes, it's me, the Oracle, and I'm all sorts of and . I left my house today with a little bit of trepedation, because I expected all sorts of , and . You did, too, right?



You're kidding? Didn't you notice?



Well, I was going to go to my local office for the state senator to complain about a few things, but things have changed. Goverment offices don't even pretend to be anymore. They've gotten some help from the federal former and now you have to be careful what you say or else... .


I just wanted to say a few words about the fact that there doesn't seem to be much out there, and that I really need some because of when I was (and still am, but the current one is all in my ) and it cost and, well, isn't helping.



Of course I'll ! The Oracle goes on interviews like :sheep: who for every possible dipstick behind a desk who can't type, spell or read as well as she! Get a job? Okay! But, until then, um, could someone do something about the economy?



Yes, I know I need to just see my shrink in the meantime, but her costs more than I see in a week (or a month). Oh, yes, I'd talk to my friends if one of them cheers up. Oh, you didn't know? They're and they have other issues to deal with right now.



Yes, yes, yes, I know that you don't care, because you think they're , Mr. Bush, but if I don't have the for a doctor and can't afford rental space on my doctor's (or even contribute to rent for our ) than can't you just shush with the tax money I AM giving you and put some of it towards something I need???



Now wait, Mr. Bush, I didn't say anything against the I just said something about money, although now that you mention it...



Now, listen, Mr. Bush, I really expected to leave my house and see and but it seems like people are still or . Trust me, though, that come November, we'll have done our :mediation: and and well know who really needs to be ---and we'll still be just as much as we were when you were making us wish we had never seen your :voodooprophet: face.

--
Sister Marie the Pigtailed Pirate